Pages

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Lump in my throat

 

Today is such a sad day here in Lebanon as a fallen police officer, Brian Dulle, was laid to rest.

The kids and I were out running errands this morning, taking note of the support the community was showing. Flags were flying half staff and yards were decorated with signs reflecting appreciation for his service. As we were driving home, cars were lined up alongside the road with small flags flying out the car windows. As I got closer to town, I noticed our main street (Broadway) was lined with citizens from the community; all waving their American flags. I decided that we were going to forgo naptime and I took the kids to stand amongst the crowd who wanted to show their respect. For two hours, we stood along the streets and watch police car after police car pass, in the procession to Sgt. Dulle’s final resting place. The moment was almost surreal.  So many people yet, so little noise as the officers drove past.  Quietly people just waved their flags. Every once in car I would make eye contact with an officer…an officer who’s eyes were filled with tears.  I know they were tears of sadness but I hope there were tears of joy knowing how much our community supported each of them and their service, bravery, and dedication.

Haleigh was very curious, asking why people were waving flags and asked if it was a parade. I explained to her the sad situation. It’s a lot to grasp for a four year old but I felt like it was important that she knew even if it was very sad. She asked: “why did he die? Was someone going to make him alive again? Were his children going to be sad?” The lump that has been in my throat all week came back full force and the tears started flowing.

I don’t know this family but have read much about them in the previous days. I have seen pictures of his wife and his three beautiful children. One of which has been battling cancer (but currently and thankfully symptom free). I, too, have a hard time grasping this situation. It seems so unjust and so unfair that a family who is already burdened with such hardships must now suffer this tragedy. I can’t begin to imagine how Mrs. Dulle is holding up. The questions she must be asking and the deep sadness she must be feeling.

And then I think about the world I live in…my life. It’s sad that it takes moments like these to stop me in my shoes and realize how truly blessed I am…Someone else’s sadness to make me pause and give thanks…for a wonderful husband…for two beautiful children…for a family that supports me.

Today I find myself reflecting on the moments that I get aggravated because there are toys in the floor, or there is laundry pile up, or there are fingerprints on the doors that I just cleaned. None of these things matter. I’m sorry for the times I didn’t stop to just sit down and play with the kids because I was busy trying to “catch up.” I must remember in the days ahead to “Let them be little”… you all know how the rest of the song goes, right?! I’m sorry I didn’t take time to give Chris an extra hug and kiss so he knows just how much I love him. I feel sorry for taking little things like this for granted. Isn’t it just so easy to take the little things for granted? And it’s the little things that end up meaning so much!

I am certain that when Sgt Dulle reported to duty on his last night, he didn’t expect it to be the last time he would see his wife and children. Each hug, each I love you, each kiss…you never know when it could be your last. Its gut wrenching to think, but so true. So, I throw this out into the void…do your loved ones know just how much you love them? Do you live your life to the fullest? Do you wake up thankful that you are blessed with another day to live? Do you stand firm on a faith that is rooted in hope and love knowing that there is a God up above who loves you…even when tragedy arises and you question why?

It is unlikely that anyone from the Dulle family will ever read my blog and that’s okay. But I want you to know how sorry I am for you loss. That I pray, especially for Mrs. Dulle, that she finds the strength to carry on. I pray God will wrap her in His arms and comfort her. I pray for Maddie’s Hope…that she finds the strength to stay strong as she continues to battle cancer! Hope…what a wonderful thing. To every man/woman who bravely serves our country…police officers, fire fighters, or in any branch of our armed forces, my heart is grateful for you dedication to protect and serve our country. I admire and honor your courage.

Chris—I love you! From the bottom of my heart I love you…for being my best friend, for being the most wonderful father, for putting us before yourself, for making sure that we have a home with food on the table, for letting me stay home with our kids and watch them grow in moments that I may miss if I had to work, for making me laugh, for keeping my head straight, for every little thing you do, I am grateful!

To my kids, thank you for being the most wonderful children a mom could ask for. I see God’s grace in your eyes and in your smiles. I learn so much from you the two of you.

To my mom…I love you! Words are hard to find to express just how much I love you. We’ve been through so much together…thick and thin…we have a bond that will only get stronger as the years pass.

To Becky and Gary---I love you!! Thank you for loving me like I was your own! You are so good to me and I appreciate everything. I am so thankful to have become an Anderson.

To Maw—I love you!! You are such an inspiration to me…your faith, your love…I look up to you and strive to be like you in ways.  I hope that you know that!

To June, Leroy, and Eric—I love you!! Did you know you two inspire me? I love to watch the two of you together…after all these years your love is still so strong and is so evident…I see it in the way you look at each other…they way you still hold hands…

To all of my other family---I hope you know I love you too. If we haven’t seen each other in a long time, shame on us…we need to fix that!

To all of my friends—too many to name (a blessing in itself)—I love you!!

I’m not one to write a lot, but this felt good!  Whether you read this whole thing or not, It was just nice to put it all out there!  :) 

 

IMG_0581 IMG_0585 IMG_0586

No comments: